Romeo and JulietPart 8
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Part 8
Mercutio. More than prince of cats, I can tell you. 20 O, he is the courageous captain of compliments! He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom; the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause. Ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hay!
Benvolio. The what?
Mercutio. The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting fantasticoes, these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu, 30 a very good blade! a very tall man!'--Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these pardonnez-mois, who stand so much on the new form that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O, their bons, their bons!
Enter ROMEO
Benvolio. Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.
Mercutio. Without his roe, like a dried herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in; Laura to his lady 40 was but a kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gypsy; Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose.--Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.
Romeo. Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?
Mercutio. The slip, sir, the slip; can you not 50 conceive?
Romeo. Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.
Mercutio. That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.
Romeo. Meaning, to curtsy.
Mercutio. Thou hast most kindly hit it.
Romeo. A most courteous exposition.
Mercutio. Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy. 60
Romeo. Pink for flower.
Mercutio. Right.
Romeo. Why, then is my pump well flowered.
Mercutio. Well said; follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular.
Romeo. O single-souled jest, solely singular for the singleness!
Mercutio. Come between us, good Benvolio; my 70 wits fail.
Romeo. Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match.
Mercutio. Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five. Was I with you there for the goose?
Romeo. Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou was not there for the goose.
Mercutio. I will bite thee by the ear for that jest. 80
Romeo. Nay, good goose, bite not.
Mercutio. Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most sharp sauce.
Romeo. And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?
Mercutio. O, here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad!
Romeo. I stretch it out for that word 'broad,' which added to the goose proves thee far and wide a broad goose. 90
Mercutio. Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature; for this drivelling love is like a great natural,--
Benvolio. Stop there, stop there.
Romeo. Here's goodly gear!
Enter NURSE and PETER
Mercutio. A sail, a sail!
Benvolio. Two, two; a shirt and a smock.
Nurse. Peter! 100
Peter. Anon!
Nurse. My fan, Peter.
Mercutio. Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the fairer of the two.
Nurse. God ye good morrow, gentlemen.
Mercutio. God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.
Nurse. Is it good den?
Mercutio. 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon.
Nurse. Out upon you! what a man are you! 110
Romeo. One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar.
Nurse. By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,' quoth a'?--Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo?
Romeo. I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him. I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.
Nurse. You say well. 120
Mercutio. Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith; wisely, wisely.
Nurse. If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.
Benvolio. She will indite him to some supper.
Mercutio. So ho!
Romeo. What hast thou found?
Mercutio. No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.--Romeo, will you come to your father's? 130 we'll to dinner thither.
Romeo. I will follow you.
Mercutio. Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, [singing] 'lady, lady, lady!' [Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio.
Nurse. Marry, farewell!--I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?
Romeo. A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month. 140
Nurse. An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him down an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of his skains-mates.--And thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure?
Peter. I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you. I dare draw as soon as another man, 150 if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.
Nurse. Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave!--Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself; but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her in a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say; for the gentlewoman is young, and, therefore, if you should 160 deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.
Romeo. Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee--
Nurse. Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much. Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman!
Romeo. What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.
Nurse. I will tell her, sir, that you do protest, which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer. 170
Romeo. Bid her devise some means to come to shrift This afternoon; And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell Be shriv'd and married. Here is for thy pains.
Nurse. No, truly, sir, not a penny.
Romeo. Go to; I say you shall.
Nurse. This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.
Romeo. And stay, good nurse; behind the abbey wall Within this hour my man shall be with thee, And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair, 180 Which to the high top-gallant of my joy Must be my convoy in the secret night. Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains. Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.
Nurse. Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.
Romeo. What say'st thou, my dear nurse?
Nurse. Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say, Two may keep counsel, putting one away?
Romeo. I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.
Nurse. Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady--Lord, 190 Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing--O, there is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lieve see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the properer man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?
Romeo. Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.
Nurse. Ah, mocker! that's the dog's name; R is 200 for the--No, I know it begins with some other letter--and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it.
Romeo. Commend me to thy lady.
Nurse. Ay, a thousand times.--[Exit Romeo] Peter!
Peter. Anon.
Nurse. Before, and apace. [Exeunt.
SCENE V. Capulet's Orchard
Enter JULIET
Juliet. The clock struck nine when I did send the nurse; In half an hour she promis'd to return. Perchance she cannot meet him; that's not so. O, she is lame! love's heralds should be thoughts, Which ten times faster glide than the sun's beams Driving back shadows over lowering hills; Therefore do nimble-pinion'd doves draw Love, And therefore hath the wind-swift Cupid wings. Now is the sun upon the highmost hill Of this day's journey, and from nine till twelve 10 Is three long hours, yet she is not come. Had she affections and warm youthful blood, She would be as swift in motion as a ball; My words would bandy her to my sweet love, And his to me; But old folks, many feign as they were dead, Unwieldy, slow, heavy and pale as lead.--
Enter NURSE and PETER
O God, she comes!--O honey nurse, what news? Hast thou met with him? Send thy man away.
Nurse. Peter, stay at the gate. [Exit Peter.
Juliet. Now, good sweet nurse,--O Lord, why look'st thou sad? 21 Though news be sad, yet tell them merrily; If good, thou sham'st the music of sweet news By playing it to me with so sour a face.
Nurse. I am aweary, give me leave awhile. Fie, how my bones ache! what a jaunt have I had!
Juliet. I would thou hadst my bones, and I thy news. Nay, come, I pray thee, speak; good, good nurse, speak.
Nurse. Jesu, what haste? can you not stay awhile? Do you not see that I am out of breath? 30
Juliet. How art thou out of breath, when thou hast breath To say to me that thou art out of breath? The excuse that thou dost make in this delay Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse. Is thy news good, or bad? answer to that; Say either, and I'll stay the circumstance. Let me be satisfied, is 't good or bad?
Nurse. Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not how to choose a man. Romeo! no, not he; though his face be better than any man's, yet his 40 leg excels all men's; and for a hand, and a foot, and a body, though they be not to be talked on, yet they are past compare. He is not the flower of courtesy, but, I'll warrant him, as gentle as a lamb. Go thy ways, wench; serve God. What, have you dined at home?
Juliet. No, no; but all this did I know before. What says he of our marriage? what of that?
Nurse. Lord, how my head aches! what a head have I! It beats as it would fall in twenty pieces. 50 My back o' t'other side,--O, my back, my back! Beshrew your heart for sending me about, To catch my death with jaunting up and down!
Juliet. I' faith, I am sorry that thou art not well. Sweet, sweet, sweet nurse, tell me, what says my love?
Nurse. Your love says, like an honest gentleman, And a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, And, I warrant, a virtuous,--Where is your mother?
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